Reviewing Some of My Crypto “Mistakes” in 2022

On December 31, 2022December 31, 2022 By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

An end-of-year look-back at my crypto investments, and a 2023 look-forward. Is it worth HODL’ing to infinity? Also, some price predictions.

Photo by David McBee from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/round-silver-and-gold-coins-730564/

2022, we gotta talk, man.

What the hell happened? You were supposed to be the year cryptocurrency went super mainstream. The year where everything that wasn’t dirty, dirty fiat went to the moon, baby.

Instead, we crash landed in Death Valley. Celsius and BlockFi went bankrupt. FTX imploded, causing thousands of investors to lose access to their funds. TerraUSD and LUNA completely evaporated, taking billions with them.

And instead of Bitcoin crossing the much ballyhooed $100,000 threshold and putting a Lambo in my garage, it’s ending the year below its 2017 high-water mark.

What am I supposed to drive now, 2022? A freaking Toyota? GTFO of here!

Man, what a terrible year for the crypto asset class.

(Disclaimer Side Note: None of this is financial advice. I am not an investment professional. This is mostly a humorous gut-checking look at my crypto stack and the future of crypto, than some serious chart-analysing deep dive. If you want a pro’s opinion, go check out ClearValue Tax on YouTube, which is where I get a lot of my info. And do your own due diligence too, of course.)

Like most people, I got burned badly this year in the crypto space. But rather than wailing and whining, I thought I’d take a sober look at the wreckage. Throughout the year, I did sell some of my holdings, while keeping some others.

But even if I dumped some of my coins, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith in the asset class. If anything, I think all the chaos will make the space much stronger. Crypto needed a wake-up call. Investors of all stripes, amateur or otherwise, needed a wake-up call. With the Federal Reserve now rapidly raising interest rates, the era of easy money is over. For now. Investments have to really prove themselves, rather than just offer some potential speculative future gains.

So what does the current crypto winter mean going forward? Should you just HODL ‘till the cows come home, or cut your losses, and move on in life?

I think the answer is somewhere between the two extremes. For sure, some crypto assets are dead and may never come back. According to ClearValue Tax, my go-to for crypto answers, many altcoins from 2017 failed to regain their former highs in the 2021 bull market run. So just because some alts are down big now, doesn’t mean that in a future bull run they’ll make all-time highs again.

I think overall this recent crypto crash should prompt a return to the fundamentals. Even if many alts might promise exponential gains, how do you know which ones will survive through the crypto winter?

For me, I’m going to stick with Bitcoin and Ethereum, and maybe an alt or two going forward into the next run. Luckily, I was mostly loaded up on those two in the beginning anyway. So for me, not much is going to change. It’s all about HODL’ing through the pain.

For sure, it sucks seeing an asset you hold plummet by double-digit percentages over the course of a year. But if you’re planning to hold long-term, this latest “setback” is really a huge buying opportunity.

Bitcoin and Ethereum may drop more from their current levels going into 2023. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Bitcoin drop to the mid-teens to even as low as $10,000. I could see ETH hitting $600-$800. But long-term, I think these assets still have a lot to offer in the way of gains.

So, here are my Very Crude, Very Amateur Predictions

I think Bitcoin will rise somewhere between $80,000 and $120,000 sometime in the next bull run. Possibly late 2024 into 2025. After the next halving event (roughly around March 2024) and assuming the Federal Reserve pivots from hawkish to dovish. If Bitcoin first falls to $10,000, that means you could possibly be looking at an 8x-12x if you time your purchase and sell points right.

For Ethereum, I think it will rise to somewhere between $6,000 and $10,000 at around the same time. If it first falls to $600, then you could be looking at a potential 10x or greater if you time the bottom right and sell near the top.

Regarding altcoins, DeFi, DEXs, CEXs, etc. I have no freaking clue. I’m very much a crypto minimalist. I get my coins off exchanges ASAP, and hold everything in cold storage. Part of what appeals to me about cryptocurrency is the decentralization and self-custody aspect. But therein lies some danger. You have to be extra careful guarding your own stack.

I’m proud and lucky to say none of the exchange nonsense impacted me. I did briefly hold some Bitcoin and other assets on BlockFi earlier in the year. But even then, I kept hearing negativity regarding that institution. And BlockFi kept reducing its yield anyway. It didn’t seem worth it give my coins to someone else to hold for such a little payoff. So sometime around the end of last winter I pulled everything I had off BlockFi, and into my own cold storage wallet. A decision that’s paid off very well.

If an exchange, central or otherwise, is offering ridiculous yields that look too good to be true, they probably are. Stay away. I’m glad I trusted my gut regarding BlockFi. And while I never used FTX, when I kept seeing a bunch of random celebrities and YouTube crypto dorks shilling for it, my B.S. detector went off. I didn’t know why. I just didn’t like the vibe that exchange put off, much less its supposed “man of the people” founder. I don’t have some sixth sense or a crystal ball. It’s just I’m old enough to remember institutions like Lehman Brothers, WorldCom, Enron, and the numerous amount of Dot Com failures that blew up in the 2000s. Common sense told me something wasn’t right.

Hey, maybe this getting older thing has some advantages.

With all that said, here’s a more microscopic look at some of my crypto HODLings, starting with the biggest one of all.

Bitcoin (BTC)

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-view-of-a-golden-coin-315788/

I first started buying Bitcoin back in September, 2020. Slowly, tentatively, without really knowing what I was doing. But the more I learned about the digital decentralized store of value, the more excited and enthralled I became about its future. Even if I didn’t fully understand the technology behind Bitcoin, I understood its unique and revolutionary characteristics.

Then when the bull run began, fueled by the Federal Reserve money printing into oblivion following the Covid market crash in March, 2020, I felt vindicated. Though I’m proud to say I never got into the laser eyes craze, which felt stupid and cocksure to me.

I only bought $25 worth of Bitcoin that September, when it was valued around $10,000. Then slowly I accumulated more through the end of the year, and aggressively ramping up more into the bull run. By the time it hit around $25k-$35k in the first quarter of 2021, I’d already doubled or even tripled my investment. Bitcoin had a double top in 2021, hitting near $69k twice, and crashing almost 50% in-between. But since November of last year (2021), it’s been almost all down hill, and now it sits somewhere between $17k and the abyss. If the Fed keeps jacking rates, and the economy spirals into a recession, Bitcoin could crash even lower.

But I’m still accumulating and holding. And now is the best time to do so, hard as it may be. When the price is low, and everyone else is saying it’s dead and never coming back. Not in two or three years when it’s making all-time highs again and crypto bros are mortgaging their houses at $80k a coin, and posting YouTube thumbnails of their stupid faces and their stupid mouths wide open.

I believe in Bitcoin. But I wouldn’t say I’m a fantatic or evangelical about it. And I don’t buy into the moon shot price predictions that so many mouth breathing YouTube dweebs like to make. My plan is take advantage of the bear market over the next two years (or however long it may last). When I first started buying in fall 2020, I felt like it was too late. I missed out on buying when Bitcoin dropped to around $5000 during the covid crash because I didn’t see it for the deal it was. But next time I intend to take advantage of major price drops more, and then sell more into strength once the bull run starts up again.

Ethereum (ETH)

Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/ethereum-coin-on-yellow-background-14891535/

ETH has actually been my most lucrative crypto investment. I started buying this one in December, 2020, and have held since. I’m still up about 2x to 3x on my holdings, even considering I bought some at the tail end of the bull run.

Even though ETH’s been a good investment, I still have doubts about it as a long term value, given the collapse of FTX and many other crypto exchange firms. Not because I think ETH will collapse like those firms, but because unlike Bitcoin, it’s not adequately decentralized. So, it goes against the whole ethos of “crypto” in general.

ETH is also buggy and expensive to use, unlike many other competitors. I compare it to Microsoft Windows in the ’90s, when despite it being slow and awkward, it had such enormous market share that everyone used it.

However, ETH will most likely continue to be used well into the future. It has the distinction of first mover advantage, which, in the tech world, is often enough to secure a stronghold for years to come. Ethereum is the foundation for many DeFi and NFT projects, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. At this point, whatever supposed “ETH-killers” come out, they’re really competing for third place or worse.

So, my plan with ETH is pretty much the same as Bitcoin. Keep HODL’ing, and keep stacking. I missed out on loading up on ETH at its ridiculously low bottom during the Covid crash — something I regret not doing. I still say there is downside to come. So next time I’ll be more ready to deploy capital and swallow the risk. But to be clear, it’s riskier than Bitcoin, and Bitcoin itself is already far out on the risk curve as far as investments go.

Polkadot (DOT)

While BTC and ETH will likely remain in the number one and two spots in terms of market cap and utility for the forseeable future, the question that remains is who’s going to place in the #3 spot and down?

Polkadot is an altcoin I started buying sometime in 2021 into early 2022, but eventually offloaded in favor of more BTC. In fact, I wrote about it in this article here.

DOT has some positives going for it. It’s supposedly meant to act as a bridge of sorts, linking other cryptocurrencies together via use of its native token. Its founder is Gavin Wood, who also co-counded ETH with Vitalik Buterin. DOT also has a good number of developers. It offers high-yield for staking the token, which you can do on your own wallet or on an exchange like Kraken. The downside is that DOT has an unlimited supply, and an effective infinite inflation rate. DOT may pay out between 7% and 14% (or higher), but it has to, because its current annual inflation rate is about 7%. Token inflation kind of goes against the whole philosophy underlying crypto, particularly Bitcoin, itself. Inflation is what fiat money does all on its own. And God knows we’ve seen enough inflation in 2022 to last a lifetime.

At this point, it’s really a guessing game as to what token will be able to compete alongside ETH in the future. I highly doubt anything will beat ETH at this point, even if a coin is cheaper and easier to use. I may return to DOT in the future now that it’s fallen to it’s near-ICO price (sub-$5). I may even stake it again on my Ledger, which for newbies is not the easiest (or risk-free) thing to figure out.

DOT could be one of those rare alts that make higher highs in the next bull run. Which would provide enormous returns considering its present price. But there are still just too many questionable elements. If it keeps dropping, however, and gets to the $1-$2 level during a potential capitulation crash next year, I may decide to stack some again. For now I’m staying away.

Algorand (ALGO)

Ugh, this one was a big disappointment that once held some promise. While it may still technically be a “blue chip” alt, it’s fallen out of favor pretty hard, like many supposed “ETH killers.”

Despite its current state, I actually did okay with Algo, initially buying some up in 2021 when it was around $.30, watching it pump to over $2, before plummeting back down to earth. Like DOT, this is another alt competing to at least get into the same ball park as ETH. It has some MIT-trained founders, and a development team. It also had a very easy staking feature. All you needed to do was put it on your wallet, and you’d get daily gains (around 4% annually). I liked the simplicity of it. It was one of my first alt coin “wins.” I did okay, but sold most of my small stack well below the high.

This is another alt I may buy into if it drops hard enough, like DOT. I’m not into meme coins. I don’t do DeFi. I no longer trust exchange tokens, no longer how established they may be. For me, I look for a strong development team, utility, and other fundamentals. Algo has some good things. But its glaring weakness is its max supply, which is ten billion. While that’s better than DOT’s potential infinite supply, that’s still hardly a scarce amount.

Algo still has a lot of questions. But like DOT, it could be a survivor into the next bull run. So I’ll keep my eye on it and may reacquire if it drops low enough.

PancakeSwap (CAKE)/Uniswap (UNI)/ApeSwap (BANANA)/DeFi in General

Screenshot by author from pancakeswap.finance

I only dabbled with DeFI and its various outrageous (and childish) forms. Yes, I see the potential. No, I don’t really care. At least not anymore. And that’s because for all the research and experimentation I did, I still don’t really understand it. And it’s riddled with scams.

I think at most I put a few thousand into the DeFi space. I even made some small gains. But because I just never really got the tech behind it, I ultimately pulled out. Even if an asset space is new and looks promising, I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into it if you don’t grasp it. This is why I avoid penny stocks, most tech stocks, or investing in anything that’s too cutting edge. I like some risk, sure, but I’m not a pioneer.

Still, it will be interesting to see how this space matures in the future. I don’t know that I agree with the idea that DeFi is the “future.” Just because trust is such an important aspect of the financial world. Banks, whether you like them or not, have been established for thousands of years, have government backing, and in 99% of cases, work just fine. Ask the millions who use them for mortgages, car loans, and to store their savings. Banks ain’t going anywhere, buddy. And if DeFi never matures beyond desserts and fruit-themed tokens that crash more than 95% during bear markets, it probably won’t make it beyond the sidelines in the finance world.

Conclusion

This look-back actually encompasses 2020–2022, not just a single year. But it’s been a long time coming. And now that crypto winter has clearly set in, it was time to look at my holdings and think about the future.

2023 going forward will be all about fundamentals, and priorityzing Bitcoin and Ethereum over pretty much everything else. I see those two as the “safest” bets in terms of crypto, that still have a lot of runway. The way I see it is this: Would you rather have a good chance at your investment making an 8x-12x? Or a much smaller chance of your investment 20xing or more by going into a riskier altcoin? I’ll stick with the “smaller” but more likely return. It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture and appreciate the potential gains in the crypto space. A good diversified S&P 500 Index Fund will generally make 8%-12% a year. An 8x-12x on a few virtual coins in a few years is quite frankly a ridiculous ROI, and trying to get more than that is just asking for trouble.

Another lesson I’ll take with me moving forward is keeping a better eye on the exit. It’s nice to learn about new technology, and seeing where all this crypto could lead to in the future. But in the end, it’s an asset like anything else. Not a religion. Not a philosophy. I’m here to make money, not change the world. Had I sold my Bitcoin and Ethereum holdings late last year in 2021, I’d be sitting on a pretty good down payment for a nice house. As it is, I’ll have to wait for the next bull run. But my “mistake” of HODLing through the peak, and my patience, may potentially get rewarded, if the Fed and the economy ever gets itself sorted out. The next peak could be way bigger.

We’ll see where things go in the new year. One thing’s for sure. I’m looking forward to 2023 and beyond. 🙂

Review: Avatar: The Way of Water

On December 21, 2022December 21, 2022 By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

A stunning visual spectacle, as expected. But does the story match up with the eye-popping CGI?

Source: Official ‘Avatar: The Way of Water’ Poster from 20th Century Studios via WDW News Today

Last week I wrote an article titled I Love ‘Avatar’ and Haters Can Choke. An aggressive response to a nearly decade and a half of people unfairly singling out James Cameron’s 2009 smash hit, and beating it over the head for its supposed lack of originality, simplistic story, or sometimes for no reason whatsoever.

Avatar haters really are a special breed. Filled with glib self-righteousness, dismissive of the titanic efforts that went into making the groundbreaking special effects, all while ignoring the scores of big dumb sci-fi/action franchise films like Transformers, Star Wars, or 80% of Marvel products, that don’t even possess half the technical precision, directorial vision, much less box office gross of the Pandora-set film.

Frankly, I get second-hand embarassment just thinking about them.

But we’re not here to talk about those with clearly lesser-developed frontal lobes. We’re here to talk about the monumental, long, looong-delayed sequel, that’s just finally premiered this week. We’re here to discuss Avatar: The Way of Water.

::SPOILERS::

AWOW, as I call it, (which is pronounced “Hey, wow!” by the way) starts off over a decade after the events of the original film. Jake Sully, now a full-bodied Na’vi member, having transferred his consciousness into his avatar form with the help of Eywa in the first film, is married to Neytiri, and has a growing brood. This includes Neteyam, his eldest son, their second son Lo’ak, and “Tuk,” their youngest daughter. 14-year old Kiri, born of an apparent immaculate conception from Grace Augustine’s avatar body, and played by Sigourney Weaver, and Spider, a human male, and son of Colonel Quaritch, are the family’s adoptive son and daughter.

Unlike the first film, where Jake only had his own safety to be concerned with, now he has a family to worry about. So when humans in powerful warships descend from the sky over Pandora to recontinue their quest for the planet’s minerals, he must balance his role as a protector of the tribe, with a protector of his immediate family. At first he’s able to make this arrangement work. He leads the Omatikaya clan in derailing (literally) a train system, stealing weapons and supplies to be used against further encroachment of the “sky people.”

However, it isn’t long before an old enemy resurfaces, who has made this restarted colonization process a personal matter rather than one staking the future of a dying earth, and Jake is forced to go on the run with his family. Leaving their home in the forest, Jake leads his wife and children to the Metkayina clan, who live near the ocean, in harmony with the vibrant aquatic life forms. But Colonel Quaritch, now reincarnated in an avatar body, but with all of the old soldier’s maliciousness, eventually catches up to the Marine that betrayed him, leading to an explosive (and watery) showdown.

Visually, this film is a masterpiece, of course. It’s even unprecedented, despite being a continuation of the original. It makes 2009’s Avatar look like an early 2000s Playstation game (Resident Evil: Nemesis, anyone?), even though Avatar’s CGI still looks pretty good, or better, than films made in the past five years. It all goes without saying that Cameron has raised the bar again, having pioneered underwater mocap suits for AWOW. See it in 3D and IMAX and it’s as transportive as the original, maybe even more so. There are sequences that just look impossible. Cameron sought to create a cinematic spectacle that was like “dreaming with your eyes wide open,” and he certainly pulled it off. Except while dreams are usually chaotic and messy, Way of Water is a focused, entertaining spectacle of the highest order.

All that said, what about the story? While I’ve defended the original as vigorously as an attorney who knows his client is innocent, it’d be the height of intellectual dishonesty not to acknowledge the film’s shortcomings. The Godfather, it is not. But then, no four-quadrant tentpole science-fiction/action/fantasy that costs a quarter million to produce is either. It’s a simple story told on a vast stage, which is what most of your big budget spectacle films try to do.

However, there is a noticable upgrade when it comes to nuance, in the character work and plot of AWOW, versus the original. People who liked the first but left wanting a little more, will likely be satisfied with this latest sequel.

In fact, some of that extra narrrative weight actually proves the film’s weakness, as well as its strength. In AWOW, Cameron does something I don’t think he’s ever done before in any of his films. That is, balance a large central cast filled with intricate relationships. This is a story about a family, not about a man (Sully), as in the original. Sometimes Jake recedes to the background in favor of his colorfully characterized children, only to resurface when needed. Neytiri almost fades away after the mid-point, only to come back powerfully at the climax. Almost all of Cameron’s films involve a single, central relationship. In The Terminator, it’s Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese. In Aliens, it’s Ripley and 8-year old Newt, the lone surviving colonist. In T2, he steps it up with John Connor and the good T-800, and John and his mother, Sarah. Titanic it’s Jack and Rose. In Avatar, it’s Jake and the Omatikaya, and Jake and Neytiri.

In AWOW, there is no one central relationship to steamline the story. There are like five interwoven ones. Jake and his overall role as patriarch to his family and husband to Neytiri. Jake and his relationship to his “disappointing” second oldest son, Lo’ak. Lo’ak, and his relationship to Payakan, a whale-like creature. Kiri, and her spiritual relationship to Eywa. And lastly, Spider, and his relationship to his sorta father Quaritch.

It’s all pretty big and cumbersome. Almost unwieldy, were it not for the film’s monstrous 3 hour and 12 minute running time. Cameron gives ample space for most of the major plot threads. Though some are no sooner started than minimized to background noise. For instance, after Spider is captured by Quaritch and his avatar-embodied marines, he largely disappears, save for a few short sequences, until the film’s final fight. Meanwhile, Lo’ak encounters the friendly and misunderstood Payakan, while Kiri explores her abilities to connect with the planet’s maternal entity, Eywa. Most of the threads come together for proper payoffs, save for Kiri’s epileptic reaction to plugging in to Eywa. It’s stated by human medics that if the teenager attempts to access the spirit mother again, she could die, in an apparent set-up to a future sacrificial moment. But this never comes comes to fruition, and is never mentioned again.

All of these relationships in AWOW are meant to reflect the bigger theme — which is mankind’s relationship with nature itself. This film is a “love letter to the ocean,” as Cameron puts it. More specifically, it’s a calling to be more mindful of what we put in the ocean, and in our environment. Reinforcing that theme is the appearance of a cruel, Captain Ahab-like character, who’s hunting Tulkuns (Payakan’s species) for their highly valuable brain fluid, which can evidently “stop aging” in its tracks. Though one wonders why humans would want to live forever on a “dying planet.” The metaverse must be significantly improved to Matrix-like levels in the future earth of Avatar.

While it’s possible sequels will resolve some of the missing links in AWOW’s great chain of relationships and plot points, it’s fair to say that this latest film is a ten-pound story stuffed into a five-pound bag. Even though it’d never be financially feasible to construct an Avatar streaming series given the technical requirements (not to mention Cameron’s time-consuming perfectionism), you all but one need one at this point. If the visionary director who submerged to the lowest point in our oceans has his way, we could be seeing at least three more sequels. Might five installments (or more) be enough to contain the whole story? It’s hard to tell, but part of me thinks this is a bit of a runaway train. Not that I’m complaining.

It would be impossible to count off every CGI marvel in AWOW. But for me, the most impressive, and honestly most touching visual, was a brief shot after Payakan splashes his new human friend, Lo’ak. The Tulkun dives under the water, but not before casting back a self-aware, playful look in his eye. I don’t think I’ve ever seen behavioral subtlety done that effectively in an animal character before. For sure, humanoid CGI characters like Thanos emote quite realistically. Or the chimpanzee protagonist Caesar from the Apes films. We’ve become spoiled with all the computer-generated wizardry. But to make a whale’s personality shine in a brief moment — that takes things to another, emotional level. Quite impressive and stellar, to say the least.

Overall, I’d give Avatar: The Way of Water 4.5 stars out of five, losing half a point only for its overstuffedness, and some minor excessive indulgence. There were some sequences that could have been trimmed for a leaner run-time. But that’s like complaining about there being too much food at a long-awaited for feast. AWOW is the best you’re going to see in IMAX 3D, and absolutely worth checking out once, twice, or more times. I just hope part three arrives in a timely fashion. I’d like to see this franchise come to a completion within my lifetime.

Sorry, Tattoos Are Still Stupid

On December 14, 2022December 14, 2022 By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

Photo by Kevin Bidwell from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-with-floral-arm-tattoos-2183132/

So, I was sitting in some vinyl or cheap plastic-covered chair, in a low-lit room, surrounded by a few strangers. I had my sleeve rolled up. I was ready for what was coming.

Then she came by. Set up all her equipment. Rubbed some disinfectant on my arm. And after making sure everything was a go, inserted the needle into my skin.

I felt that familiar pinch as the metal penetrated through my epidermis and into my vein, and started drawing my blood like a thirsty little vampire.

And so began my latest whole blood donation to the Red Cross. My 26th in total since first giving back in 1999 in my junior year of high school.

What does this have to do with the fact that tattoos are stupid, beyond the misdirection? There’s the needle connection, of course. But it’s also the fact that most people like to ink themselves to commemorate something of significance. A person, like a partner. A date. A symbol representing a group of some kind. Or maybe just a cool design they like. Whatever they put, it usually means something important to them.

Just like I think donating blood is important. I’ve been giving blood for almost a quarter century. I actually really enjoy doing it. It’s the same to me as any valued relationship. But as much as I like helping out the nation’s blood supply, and for as long as I’ve been doing it, I would never consider stamping my body with a Red Cross logo. Or printing something like “GALLON DONOR” on my shoulder, with a big bolt of lightning going through it.

And why not? Well, because that would look tacky and stupid. It would demean and cheapen the altruistic act, as far as I’m concerned. It would also be unneccessary. Who exactly am I trying to inform about my blood donation activities? Myself? Am I going to forget that I donate, and therefore need the constant reminder? Or would I be getting it in hopes of signifying to the world that I donate blood, in hopes of convincing others to do the same? That’s something I do already. I’ve featured it in a previous article. I bring it up in conversations when appropriate, such as when discussing hobbies or volunteer work. It’s not necessary to carry around a permanent sign on my flesh that screams “ME, YES ME, DONATES BLOOD, AND YOU SHOULD TOO!” I’m not a blood donation TV evangelist, or something.

Plus, a tattoo would disqualify me from donating blood for at least three months if I got it in a state that does not regulate tattoo facilities. Or potentially disqualify me permanently if I were to pick up something nasty like Hepatitis while getting the tattoo.

If I got a Red Cross tattoo, let’s say, on my neck or hand, or some visible area not often covered by clothing, most people would probably think I’m insane. But if it were a skull, or a bird, a snake, or a rainbow, that’d be A-okay. Those are “normal” type tats. People get all kinds of such tats on those areas, and nobody bats an eye.

Why is that? Because unfortunately, tattoos have been normalized in society. So much so that NOT having one is unusual. I can remember a time when only bikers, convicts, and military types got tattoos. And usually they only had a few. Now everyone’s got them. And people rarely stop at one. Even nerds and dorks are getting full sleeve tats. I used to work with a guy who had tats of horror movie villains all over his body. He had Michael Myers standing at the top of the stairs in Halloween (the pic shown at the top of this linked article) on one bicep. Freddy Krueger on another. I think Jason Voorhees was on him somewhere, too. He was 26 years old. I’m sorry, but why the fuck does a full-grown man need to garishly exclaim to the world in the form of permanent ink on his skin that he likes mainstream horror movies so much? Does he think that makes him unique or special? Judging by the box office returns and cultural impact of the three franchises represented by those characters, EVERYONE likes those movies. You’re not the only one, dude.

I mean, with that kind of passion for horror movies, I’d expect the guy to be a writer/director of horror movies himself. Or maybe an actor in one. But he wasn’t. He was just a guy working in a shitty market research company for $29k a year. Just like me at the time.

I don’t care that it’s 2023 next month and everyone and their grandma has a tattoo. I will never not think they look stupid and unnecessary. In fact, I’ll go even further. I have never once ever seen a tattoo that I thought looked attractive, unique, or creative.

But what about those 3D tattoos? Or those colorful, freshly-inked ones? Or the ones done by top tattoo artists that are one of a kind?

Let me explain to you exactly what a tattoo is to me with a little story.

I had just pulled into a Home of Economy when I noticed a brand new top of the line Ford F-250 King Ranch parked in the lot. This truck was jacked up, had camoflauge trim, a custom olive green color, and a creamy leather interior. It had the works. It likely cost somewhere close to $60,000+ with all the modifications. I am not a truck guy, but even I know a customized King Ranch means something. You order a truck like that, and you’re probably waiting six months for it to arrive. This truck was somebody’s baby. It looked immaculate.

Except for the bumper sticker on the back that read, in all upper-case black letters, against a white background: “I’M ONLY DRIVING THIS FAST BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO POOP!”

That right there is what a tattoo is to me. A trashy, low-class, contemptible, 100% stupid bumper sticker.

“But I got my tattoo for (insert deep heartfelt explanation that for some reason brings meaning to your life, and that I’m supposed to agree with to make you feel better)!”

Nah, see you’re wrong. You didn’t get that butterfly tat on your shoulder because you just love flying insects. I don’t see a degree in lepidopterology framed on your wall, I see a Natty Light poster. You got it because you’re dumb and impressionable, and you thought it looked cute and would make you fit in more with your equally dumb friends. You might as well hang a big neon sign around your neck that reads: “I am desperate for approval, can’t think for myself, and willing to scar my body to fit in with the crowd.”

And that sleeve tattoo of flames going down your arms? What the fuck is that supposed to tell me? That you’re some kind of badass? That if you started punching you’d swing so fast it would look like your arms were on fire? No, all that tells me is you know how to waste money on dumb shit. My local part-time librarian associate has a sleeve tattoo. I know she can’t make more than $20k a year. A typical sleeve tattoo can cost thousands of dollars. So it’s likely she spent at least 10% or more of her annual pre-tax income on a vomitous mess of pre-Millennium kids cartoon-themed ink, including a piss poor rendering of Rainbow Brite. I don’t care how much Proust she reads. She is a dumbass.

Look, you can justify them all you want. You can come up with any reason you can about why they’re meaningful to you. I don’t care. Tattoos are stupid, and you are stupid for having them.

I Love ‘Avatar’ and Haters Can Choke

On December 10, 2022December 10, 2022 By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

Source: Official ‘Avatar: The Way of Water’ Poster from 20th Century Studios via WDW News Today

“Avatar is just Fern Gully in space.”

“Avatar is just Pocahontas in space.”

“Avatar is a white savior movie…in space.”

“Avatar left no pop culture footprint.”

“Avatar is the most successful failure ever.”

“Avatar has phenomenal CGI but a terrible story and stock characters.”

Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourselves.

You know, for a movie so many people keep insisting sucks and was evidently “forgotten” after premiering in December 2009, you’d think they were talking about something like Delgo. That weird, creepy-looking animation from 2008 that became one of the biggest box office bombs in history, making barely a million bucks against a $40,000,000 budget.

Delgo, like Avatar, is set in a mythical fantasy land where conflict arises between two warring alien clans, and features two lovers from opposing sides trying to find romance despite their differences in heritage.

But then the two films diverge quite massively, as Delgo legit blows, while Avatar is a bonafide masterpiece and a technical milestone that made nearly $2.7 billion in its initial theatrical run.

Avatar kicks ass, and I’m tired of people pretending that it doesn’t.

The same losers who shit on Avatar are the same ones who made Star Wars: The Force Awakens the number one highest grossing U.S. domestic release in box office history. And that JJ Abrams-directed fan fiction is nothing but a bigger budget remake of Episode IV, and has about as much creativity as an elephant fart. You know it and I know it.

Oooh, ooh, instead of a Death Star, we’re going to have a planet-sized Death Star this time! And instead of blowing up just one planet, it’s going to blow up several! And we’re going to make a FEMALE as our protagonist. A female lead? OMG that’s unprecedented! And we’re even going to have a black guy in it as a lead too (though in sequels we’re going to reduce his importance until he’s buffoonishly inconsequential so much the actor wants nothing more to do with the franchise). Never been done!

So which is it, idiots? Avatar’s just a ripoff of Fern Gully and Pocahontas using a familiar hero’s journey template, but Force Awakens is somehow the greatest thing ever put to film? You can’t have it both ways.

Source: Screenshot of Google results for “Avatar is…”

I’m not going into all the technical details about why Avatar’s CGI and motion capture technology was so ground breaking. It’s all been said before, I’m pressed for time, and I’m not that much of a dork to get into the nitty gritty tech stuff.

I will, however, compare Avatar to a jury of its peers — other massive science-fiction/action film franchises — which is how everyone should appraise James Cameron’s movie.

First, some blunt honesty.

Avatar is obviously not The Godfather. It’s not some deep A24 indy film about some guy’s existential middle-aged crisis or something. It’s a finely crafted popcorn flick with phenomenal special effects, with some superficial environmentalist themes. That’s about it. I love it because it’s a transportive amusement park ride, and executes its story just about perfectly. A rare feat few movies accomplish. Avatar is still the best and most immersive movie theater experience I’ve EVER had. It does everything a sci-fi/action film should do, and way more. Yet for some reason everyone judges Avatar harshly, while giving substantially lesser franchises an easy pass.

People only hate Avatar at this point becuse they think they’re supposed to. It’s cool and hip to be anti-Avatar because it’s so popular. And I get it. Sometimes popular stuff does indeed suck ass. God knows I’ll never understand the appeal of Twilight or Fifty Shades, but I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m better than people who like those franchises. Most times, things are popular for a good reason. They connect with people in a visceral and profound way.

Anyway, we’ve already peeked at the new Star Wars films, Avatar’s closest competitor that’s also within the massive Disney ecosystem. And what do we see? A disorganized mess with no vision, no scope, no outline, no coherency, and no theme. Seriously, what the fuck are the newest Star Wars products even about? Empire bad, robed people good? LOL, GTFO! They stand for nothing!

Whether you hate Avatar or not, it’s virtually impossible to walk away from seeing that film and not get the pro-environmental and anti-imperialist messages, however hamfisted those themes are handled. And whether you agree or disagree with those themes, the fact that a writer/director is able to inject his vision into a spectacle film about giant blue people in a coherent and frankly meanginful way is honestly pretty impressive.

Now let’s take a look at another competitor — the Marvel films. I will grant you that some of the Marvel installments like Infinity War, Captain America: Winter Soldier, and even the first Guardians of the Galaxy, are pretty good. The mocap technology used to bring Thanos to life is incredible. And I have no idea how producer and plot captain Kevin Feige manages to interweave so many characters and storylines together between so many directors and writers. But for the most part, your typical Marvel movie is servicable, without saying much or doing much to stick with you. Really, do you remember anything from Iron Man 2, or Captain Marvel, or The Incredible Hulk? I don’t. And nowadays, the Marvel mega-franchise has become increasingly watered-down and impossible to follow with all the Disney+ stuff and about ten films released every year. Marvel is proof there is sometimes too much of a good thing. I’ve given up on the superhero soap opera simply because there’s too much to keep track of. Marvel used to feel special with maybe two releases a year. Now it feels forgettable and paint-by-numbers.

Meanwhile, James Cameron took 13 years — 13 years! — to make Avatar: The Way of Water, the sequel to the 2009 film. Could you imagine any other franchise taking that level of care and patience when it came to producing a sequel? Could you even imagine any director delaying an Avengers film for almost a decade and a half until the tech was “right?” Of course you couldn’t. And that’s because Marvel films, for all their occassional creativity and spectacle, are mostly business products at the end of the day. They are there to enhance Disney’s bottom line.

But what is Avatar: The Way of Water? According to the creator himself, it’s the “worst business case in movie history.” TWOW apparently has to gross almost $2 billion just to break even. Or like one sixth the current market cap of Dogecoin. Its budget is a bloated potential time bomb to Disney’s already floundering stock price. A cathedral to one director’s massive ego to make the biggest film of all time thrice.

And you know what? That’s awesome. Not many artists are willing to go all in on their own work time after time again, costs be damned. Hell, most people aren’t even willing to invest 10% of their money without making sure it’s in a properly “diversified portfolio.” And most artists can’t sell themselves for shit, and have as much confidence as a teenage boy with a face full of acne standing in front of his high school crush. Not James “Big Balls” Cameron, who’s hit a grand slam twice in a row with Titanic and Avatar both taking up the number one wordwide box office crown, and declared himself the “King of the World.” Can he do it a third time? Time will tell.

So, what mega sci-fi franchise is next? Jurassic World? Ha ha. Yeah, right. Each installment has devolved so much it got to the point where the 2015 hit was basically a meta joke of itself, and is mostly known for its lead actress unrealistically running around in heels the whole time. Seriously, Bryce Dallas Howard, what’s your deal? Even Debbie Reynolds wore flats for some of the dance routines in Singin’ in the Rain. And her dance partner was Gene Kelly. Who was your co-star again? Oh, yeah, this goober:

Source: Parks and Recs (via Den of Geek)

Jurassic Park is a brilliant novel and film, without a doubt. But looking at the franchise collectively, and you can’t help but but feel exhausted by its purely business-driven cynicism. It’s like looking at a giant Excel spreadsheet with a T-Rex pasted in the corner. Pass.

Now what? Transformers? The cinematic equivalent of what a 13-year old kid would puke up after binging all night on Mountain Dew and Snickers bars? A franchise filled with robot on robot action scenes so messy and convoluted you need shock therapy to recover after seeing them? It’s kind of amazing that for a franchise that ran for 11 years, it only produced one decent film — Bumblebee. The last of the live action Transformers films since its release in 2018, and actually made the least amount of money. Which is a bad look for the once mighty audience of this franchise, as when they were finally presented a sequel of quality, they turned their noses up to it.

Oh, but I’m sure Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is totally going to rejuvenate the franchise when it comes out next year. Can’t wait for that one.

The Matrix? You talk as if there are sequels to the 1999 groundbreaking bullet-time hit. Maybe one day there will be. But for now, we’ll just have to keep waiting.

The Terminator franchise, aka the Old Arnie Show? Even as a big fan of the original two Cameron films, I can’t bring myself to acknowledge the sequels/reboots/remakes/reimaginings/whatever you want to call them, even as fun escapism. And as far as artistry or filmmaking craft go, they are obviously woefully short of the original and Judgment Day.

It’s not all negative, though. Avatar does have franchise peers in its genre.

The Alien Franchise, including the two Ridley Scott Prometheus/Alien: Covenant films, is probably the closest to Avatar in terms of special effects and directorial vision. Not to mention polarization among audiences, with many still split on the thematically muddled messes the last two Scott films have presented. But unlike Avatar, with its colorful, lush world, the Alien films are restrained to their bleak and nihilistic horror settings. Not exactly a fair comparison. And while the latest films to feature the creature with acid for blood haven’t been knock outs, they’re far better crafted than 99% of what you’ll find in your typical horror/sci-fi genre.

Another peer franchise to Avatar would have to be the new Planet of the Apes films, with the next sequel Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes scheduled to premier in May, 2024. But unlike Avatar’s blowout box office numbers, Apes has largely flown under the radar, with Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (the franchise’s highest-grossing film to date) only grossing under one quarter of what Avatar did. It really goes to show how hard it is to find an audience these days, even when you have groundbreaking special effects, great writing, a classic IP, and a strong cast, which the Apes films have in spades.

Will Avatar: The Way of Water become another smash hit like the original when it comes out on December 15? There’s no way to know for sure. But I do know that it’s one of the few films I’ve actually been looking forward to seeing for a long time. And I’m damn sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.

Put against its rivals, Avatar stands head and shoulders above most of its competition in every categorical measure. Special effects, story, cast, box office draw, vision, and yes, even impact and legacy. Who exactly is still talking about Transformers? No one’s even discussing Jurassic World: Dominion, and that movie came out this year. But everyone will be talking about the new Avatar sequel. Not to mention seeing it again and again.

I love Avatar and haters can choke.