Including a sure-to-work idea for one that I came up with myself.

Are you an average guy who’s tired of striking out with the honeys on popular dating apps like Tinder and Match? Are you a woman who’s fed up mindlessly swiping on random dudes?

Well, don’t you worry. Socially conscious venture capital has your back. Here are 13 of the absolute best all new dating app startups that are sure to usher in a new age of love and relationship bliss for millions of lonely singles out there.

(Also, I have a BONUS genius dating app idea of my own down below that you’ll want to check out, especially if you’re an investor. So be sure to read all the way through to the bottom.)

1. Smitten

Smitten’s schtick is using creative games and interactive ice breakers to help bring lonely hearts together, while promising to make conversation easy.

This is a great development as we all know the biggest problem for men on dating apps is that too many women want to message them. But what’s a guy supposed to say? I don’t know! Thank God Smitten’s been invented to help take all the effort and guesswork out of coming up with stuff to discuss.

2. Datefit

This app aims to help connect people who are into fitness, healthy living, and want to become the “best version of themselves.”

I don’t know about you, but typically people who fall into that elite “Type A” category already have an active social life and a lot going on for themselves. I don’t see too many high-powered types needing some stupid app to find the love of their lives.

Also of note, more than half the adult population in the U.S. is obese. And that number is only going to climb. Just look around. Nobody cares about being the “best version of themselves” unless they’re some weirdo hanging around a Tony Robbins seminar. So good luck chasing after a rapidly shrinking market, Datefit. Maybe try rebranding to “DateFAT.” Now THAT’S a billion dollar idea.

3. Clover

You probably think to build a company that attracts millions in venture capital you have to be original and offer something unique and valuable. Well, you’d be wrong. Clover has the most generic description ever, promising to help people find “high-quality dates with minimal effort.”

Thanks, but no thanks, Clover. According to a pop-up ad I’m looking at right now, there are tons of hot women in my area that want to fuck me. And I didn’t even have to download an app. Suck on that.

By the way, Clover has gone bankrupt and its app is defunct. Shocker, I know.

4. Lex

This forward-thinking “text-based” dating app was founded for the LGBTQ+/trans/non-binary crowd, but switched its focus from dating to community last year. Wow, even dating apps are transitioning these days.

But if Lex is going to get into text-based forums, they’ll have their work cut out for them. Everyone knows if you want to find true love you go to 4Chan.

5. Crossed

Serial killers and stalkers rejoice! This app helps connect people who “have recently crossed paths” using geolocation.

Finally, no more having to lurk in the shadows or dark alleys while hunting down your latest infatuation. If only John Hinckley, Jr. could have had this app, he might have been able to win Jodie Foster’s heart without having to go through the trouble of almost assassinating President Ronald Reagan.

6. Marriage Pact

This app aims to help college students find their life partner by using a questionnaire-based dating system.

Because if there’s one thing college students definitely want to do, it’s take yet ANOTHER damn test. Maybe try making a dating app based around keg stands, cramming for a biology final, or banging out a five page essay on Nietzsche two hours before it’s due.

7. Dua.com

At first I thought this was an app designed to get you a date with singer Dua Lipa. Talk about an Illusion.

But instead, it’s just supposed to connect people from different cultures with those who make them “feel at home.” Dude, I’m from Philly. If you want to make me feel right at home, you’ll need to jack my car, cut me off going 85 while driving on the expressway, or spit at my feet while I’m walking down the sidewalk.

8. Quivr

This app lets you play Cupid, or you can let someone else be a matchmaker for you.

What a great idea. Let some random stranger decide your fate in life. Why stop there, though? Just have an app that randomly connects you with some person and only that person. You could call it Randomr or Arbitray. That’s how this works, right? You just delete a letter from a word and it instantly becomes a million dollar app? Wow. I just founded two dating apps right there. I’m a genius.

9. Couple.ai

You didn’t think we’d explore the latest cutting edge dating apps and not find one using AI, did you?

Couple, or Couple.ai, uses online interactive events like speed dating and trivia, combined with artificial intelligence to help forge matches. Basically, the AI tracks your every move, learns from it, and then delivers highly compatible matches. Not a bad idea. At least now when you get ghosted or another date fizzles because you don’t share the same liking over the latest dumb Netflix show, you can just blame the algorithm.

10. Bloom Community

This cutting edge app is geared toward sex-positive people in the LGBTQ+ community.

Hey, no fair. Why does it always seem people who are sex-positive are exclusively in the LGBTQ+ camp? What about us straights? Don’t we get an app for no-strings meaningless sex that’s sure to leave us empty shells questioning the meaning of life, too?

11. Blueheart

You think you know about love? You don’t know the first thing! Luckily, Blueheart is here to “put things right” by using a combination of “courses, exercises, and science-backed advice.”

Man, that’s an awful lot of homework. But what if you’re only on a dating app to get your dick sucked? How much studying do you got to do for that? Hopefully just a quick fill in the blank quiz or something. But then I guess you’d have to change the app’s name to Blewhard.

12. Ex-human

Tired of presenting yourself honestly in the hopes of attracting a like-minded partner? Now you don’t have to. Ex-human allows you to create customizable “AI Humans” and characters that will do all the interacting for you.

This is fantastic. Maybe I can import one of my many anon Reddit profiles I used way back in the day, and put it to work helping me lure the love of my life. Hello again, AssCheese69420.

13. Hulah

This one is my favorite. Hulah takes Bumble’s idea where women get to make the first move and goes light years beyond. I’ll let the app explain:

Here’s how it works: As a single woman going through men, you’ll only see the best of the best guys because every guy on Hulah has been endorsed by a woman to be on the platform. If you’re a guy who is lucky enough to be endorsed by a Hulah ringleader, you’ll earn points for good, gentlemanly behavior.

This is honestly very brilliant as it mimics the way some women play matchmaker with their friends in the real world. It’s also great because I’m sure there’s no way this can be gamed. It’s not like a guy could just pay a couple girls to endorse him on the app so he looks like Prince Charming. We know scams and fake profiles don’t exist on dating apps whatsoever.

It’s also incredibly encouraging for average guys. Most of whom can barely get one woman to return a message. Now they need one to endorse them just so they can be presented on some shitty app like a show pony? Good luck with that. You might as well rename this app “Rich Alpha Male Chads with Golden Cocks” because that’s just about the only guys who will be using it successfully.

Wow, that’s a lot of dating apps that I’m sure will all work extraordinarily well. Now we just need an app that lets you use all these apps simultaneously. I like to be as efficient as possible when wasting my time.

On the plus side, I’m glad no one has yet stolen my brilliant idea for a dating app. Allow me to present:

CerealDater

A dating app that brings singles together based on their favorite breakfast cereals. Are you a Wheaties man? A Lucky Charms girl? You could meet your Count Chocula cutie or Cinnamon Toast Crunch chick. “How’d you two lovebirds meet?” they’ll ask. “Oh, we’re both Corn Poppers,” you’ll say. No matter if you’re a Frosted Flakes Freddy or a Raisin Bran Betty, you’ll be sure to couple up through your cereal of choice. Try CerealDater today.