Especially when you’re a bachelor with no kids.

There’s a part of you that thinks you’ll live forever. It’s right next to the part that thinks you’ll never get old. Even though both parts are dwarfed by the rational side that says you certainly will on both accounts, what they don’t have in size they make up for in denial.

Recently, I’ve been trying to write my will through a free legal site called, appropriately enough, Free Will. But it’s proved a challenge. The website is easy to use. Almost too easy. I expected the whole will writing endeavor to be more formal. Like something you do in a suit and tie in a lawyer’s office.

I’d heard it’s a good idea to write a will out no matter your age. This is to prevent legal complications with family or beneficiaries following your expiration. Things can get messy without proper paperwork. Plus, you don’t know when it’ll be your time. As the Southern Baptist preachers at the churches I went to as a kid used to say, “Tomorrow is not promised.”

I don’t have insignificant assets. But I lack immediate kin. I’m not married and I do not have kids. If I did, this whole process of will writing would be much easier. My wife would get everything. Or if I was divorced I’d leave everything to my kid(s). Pretty simple. I encountered a similar issue with my life insurance beneficiary designation at work. If I eat it while on the job, my designee gets $100,000. That’s like winning Wheel of Fortune. But it all comes to nought if you don’t have anyone to hand that benefit off to. So I’ve had to just leave that section blank.

So, what the hell do you do when you’re a bachelor? I don’t even have a pet to leave my worldly belongings to the way this lady left $13 million to her cat. Legally, I suppose my assets would go to my family, meaning my mother and my half siblings, without a designated beneficiary of my choosing.

However, at the moment, I’m leaning toward leaving most of my assets to charity. The Red Cross, in particular. I donate blood and money regularly to that organization. In fact, I have a blood draw coming due shortly.

I’ve also considered leaving something for my alma mater. I like the idea of setting up a scholarship for writers, or maybe for older students trying to return to finish a degree, the way I did.

I’d also want to give something back to a few public libraries I’ve frequented over the years. Sometimes when you donate enough they honor you with a little brass plaque or a name plate on a donor wall. I like that idea. My name, shining and adorned, secured by two screws, hanging around for a few decades. People who randomly read the list will see my name, wonder who in the hell I was, not care, then go about borrowing Twilight for the millionth time.

I have two nieces and two nephews for whom I’d want to leave something. Like many, when I became an adult, I started with nothing. I was born into the lower-middle class. Only a small percentage of people ever receive an inheritance, much less a sizable one. I had nothing in early adulthood. Nobody paid for my college. My parents wouldn’t even fill out the FAFSA form. My grandmother was very supportive of me and some other members of my family were also very helpful. But I’ve been working since I was 14, and wherever I could, I always paid my own way. Cars, car insurance, gas, clothes, etc. Life is a lot easier when you’re given help at the starting line with big ticket items like college tuition. Many Millennials are only able to afford down payments for homes because their parents helped them. It can’t be overstated how far getting a leg-up when you’re young can go. I’d like to give my nephews and nieces something I never had. But they will likely have all the help they need anyway from their parents.

If I were to pass before my mom, I’d like to leave something for her as well.

There are a lot of options here. You can see how having to decide whom or what to leave your money to can lead to analysis by paralysis.

Then there’s the specific monetary designations. How much to give? Do I give that person or that organization $10,000? $50,000? $100,000? Free Will lets you divvy your estate by percentages. That’s a better option considering most of my assets are in mutual funds and ETFs that track the stock market, which can be volatile.

That’s only the money aspect. There’s also a section on Free Will for physical assets. Things like furniture, collectibles, cars, clothes, and anything else you can think of. Over the last few years I’ve been largely minimalist, abstaining from unnecessary consumer purchases. I rarely go clothes shopping. I’m not into bling like watches or other needless accessories. I’ve considered getting into collecting things like LEGO sets and NES video games I used to play. But at the moment I keep almost everything I value in a secure storage locker several states away. I want to have a proper place to display any collectibles before investing the time or effort into acquiring them. I do have a lot of books, though. While it pains me to think that most of them will likely end up at a garage sale, at Goodwill, or (God forbid) in the trash, that’s the likely outcome. I’ll have to designate that all my books are to be donated to my frequented libraries.

Then there’s my digital assets. Who gets my Medium account? It does generate money every month. Who gets my personal website? Or access to all my online accounts? My X? My email? What about my intellectual property? My books? Who gets the rights to them? As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve self-published three books, but have eight more in various stages of completion, including one I just finished.

Maybe I’ll be one of those posthumously famous authors, like Franz Kafka or John Kennedy Toole.

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The whole process of will writing can be bewildering and stifling. The details are too much to think about. I’m only middle-aged. I’m not hooked up to a hundred machines in hospice care. I’ve not been given a terminal diagnosis. I’m fortunate to be in good health. I exercise and take care of myself. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or engage in unhealthy habits. But like I said, anything is possible. People my age drop dead of heart attacks out of nowhere all the time. I hope I stick around as long as possible, but that’s largely not up to me.

Making a will feels pointless, even though I know it’s not. It’s even a bit scary. It’s tough to think of post-me life. Of me not existing. It’s not the most pleasant or fun thing to think about. The mind has trouble accepting that inevitable reality. It’s like going to the dentist for a cavity. I can see why so many people put off making wills, often until it’s too late. I do like the idea of my assets going to help others I care about after I’m gone. I’ll have to let that motivate me to get it done.