It’s good to be Robert Downey Jr. these days. With a career and reputation left for dead by the mid-2000s, a role in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang helped reanimate the troubled ’80s star’s corpse back to life.
Famously, it was landing the role of Tony Stark/Iron Man for the newborn Marvel Cinematic Universe in 2008 that would send him back to A-list status. It’s hard to believe it, but Iron Man was considered a signficant risk to produce at one point. Nobody had heard of the character outside of comic book fans. Then there was the star himself, Downey Jr. who was an even bigger gamble with his prior arrests, DUIs and rehab visits. Dude was a hot mess.
Iron Man was a massive hit. The MCU completely (for better or worse) took over Hollywood for the next ten years. The mega franchise culminated in 2019’s Avengers: Endgame, which saw Downey Jr. finally retire Tony Stark in dramatic, sacrificial fashion.
Ever since then the MCU has been…well, shitty. It’s been bomb after bomb, basically.
Earlier this year Downey Jr. won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his role as conniving politician Lewis Strauss in Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer. You may have heard of it. It won Best Picture and made nearly a billion dollars.
Yes, $100 million. As in one tenth of a billion dollars. That’s an obscenely silly amount of money to pay someone just for playing dress up for a few months. However, a little perspective is in order. Some justification, even. I contend Feige might have gotten Downey Jr. CHEAP for the role.
You have to remember, an A-list star is an investment in the film’s success. This goes especially so in Downey Jr.’s case. No Downey Jr, Iron Man maybe isn’t a hit. No Iron Man hit, no MCU. No MCU, no billions of dollars.
Like Jules Winnfield said, “Personality goes a long way.”
The last Avengers film, Endgame, made nearly $3 billion. Infinity War made over $2 billion. Even if the next two Avengers films make “only” $4 billion combined, that means Downey, Jr. cost a mere 2.5% of the total revenue, not including merchandise sales and other downstream effects of two hit movies, like traffic to the upcoming Marvel Infinity Kingdom at Disneyworld.
There’s also precedent for paying top talent a huge sum to help lend respectability (and most importantly, ticket sales) to a spandex flick. It all started when Richard Donner approached Marlon Brando to appear in Superman: The Movie as Supes’ dad, Jor-El. Brando agreed, but only for the princely sum of $3.7 million plus a cut of the profits. An utterly outrageous sum back then for what amounted to less than two weeks of work. But Donner needed a big star in addition to the great Gene Hackman already signed on as Lex Luthor, as newcomer Christopher Reeve wasn’t a big name at the time.
‘Superman: The Movie.’ Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures
Brando got his big payday. Superman grossed $300 million at the box office, making The Godfather’s upfront cut a mere 1% of the revenue. That’s not counting video sales, merch, broadcast rights, and other income sources over the last 45 years since the film’s release. If Superman has made $1 billion thus far, then Brando’s “outrageous” sum only cost about one third of one percent of the total revenue. I’d say Warner Bros. got their money’s worth out of him.
Of course, movies with big actors bomb all the time. It’s risky fronting enough cash to fill a Brink’s truck, even to charismatic, proven stars like Downey Jr. Time will tell whether this massive paycheck will prove a good investment or not. Either way, even $100 million will look small in four decades time, just like Brando’s $3.7 million does relatively-speaking today.
So a few years ago, for a summer school project, I had to travel to some middle-of-nowhere town in North Dakota for a ten-day project to help model and reorganize the town’s tiny museum from a junk drawer to a pristine attraction. It was for a Public History class, as part of my history minor. Not something I cared to do, but it was a credit requirement. I was half-way to finishing my long-delayed bachelor’s degree, having returned to college late in life. Needless to say, I was the oldest, most mature, and therefore, most level-headed of the students there.
Anyway, it just so happened this project occurred when Wonder Woman was premiering in theaters. And the whole time, this one young woman kept prattling on about how we all HAD to go watch it that Friday night. Now, at the time, I was somewhat into Marvel/DC stuff. But selectively. I enjoyed Captain America, Ant-Man and a few others. They were fun diversions with generally servicable stories and entertaining characters. Wonder Woman didn’t really appeal to me, but it seemed like an okay film from the trailers.
So check it out that Friday night we did. Afterward, we’re all huddled together in the lobby discussing what we’d seen. When it came to my turn, I said it was a decent film, somewhat enjoyable, with a disappointing climax. Well, this ruffled the Prattler’s feathers. Huffing and puffing, she wagged her finger and shook her head at me, scolding and scowling.
“What do you meeean you didn’t like it?” grumbled the Prattling Scowler.
She was, shall we say, a big girl, with a proportion not dissimilar to a beach ball. So when she shifted her position on the thin lobby carpet, I actually felt the floorboards undereneath me creak. I retierated my stance, which I felt was not exactly negative — I never said I “didn’t like it,” afterall. She huffed and puffed again, apparently stung. Then she quickly polled the rest of the group for their reactions. All quickly agreed it was “great.” Prattling Scowler then glared at me, turned her nose up, harrumphed, and turned away. We headed back to town.
But for the rest of the trip I was basically persona non grata. My “dislike” of Wonder Woman was the subtext of every reaction I had with the Prowling Scowler. It was as if I’d insulted her religion or family, or something.
The whole situation left me amused. Not just because I felt it was ridiculous for a 25-year old to get that butthurt over some stranger “not liking” her movie. It was that my neutrality was so unbearably intolerable for her. She demanded fealty. Glowing adulation. I had to like it, or else I was a terrible person.
Of course, I knew why. It was because Wonder Woman was a feminist avatar. And so not liking it obviously meant I hated women. I know that sounds like a weird tortured chain of reasoning. But it’s the only “logic” that makes sense. Why would anyone care whether some random dude likes their movie or not unless that movie validates some deeply-held belief or idology of theirs?
I don’t think Wonder Woman is a feminist avatar, personally. I think it’s kind of silly to import that kind of value to a comic book character. We’re talking about a character that runs around in her underwear all day and looks like a supermodel. She was obviously riginally made as eye candy for the masses of male comic book readers. But even if you think she is a feminist avatar, why would it matter what any man would think about her? Especially a guy in his mid-30s (which I was at the time)?
That would be like a dude-bro getting his Bud Light boxers all twisted because some random girl doesn’t like Dominic Toretto from The Fast and the Furious movies. Or take movies like Predator, Mad Max, Commando, and others. Macho movies I’ve enjoyed. But I would totally understand a chick thinking they’re just silly man flicks. I certainly wouldn’t get all bent out of shape because some random girl doesn’t like Arnold.
Which brings us to Captain Marvel, and the sequel The Marvels, which just released its trailer.
Wonder Woman seems a charming, positive role model, and her movies are harmless and fun. Gal Gadot is nearly perfectly cast. I can maybe see a woman-child feeling jilted at someone not liking the character.
Captain Marvel, on the other hand, is an objectively shitty movie character with an objectively shitty casting choice. Which is a shame because the character itself had a lot of potential. I’ve always liked Superman, and Captain Marvel is sort of the Avenger’s version of the Man of Steel. So I was ready for an honorable do-gooder type persona when I sat down to watch the 2019 film when it opened. Instead, I got an unlikable asshole.
It’s mostly due to the bad writing, but also Brie Larson, who is perhaps the worst casting decision in the entire history of Hollywood. Like, John Wayne as Genghis Khan was less outrageous. If you’re going to have a big, powerful super female who’s supposed to be a competent, inspirational leader, don’t you think you should cast someone who can exude those qualities on screen? Captain Marvel should have been portayed by someone like Charlize Theron or Emily Blunt. An obvious Alpha Female who doesn’t need to try hard to look like a boss onscreen.
Larson does NOT exude any of those above qualities. She’s very good at playing desperate, frustrated, beta characters who can scrap their way out of situations. She won an Oscar playing one, afterall, in Room. But as a charismatic, likable lead on the level of a Chris Hemsworth as Thor or Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man? Or Gal Gadot? Don’t be serious. If anything, she comes across more like a villain than a hero. Captain Marvel is supposed to be a US fighter pilot. As in, a very competent, very type A, driven sort of person, who’s also very cool. Not a cranky Karen. Captain Marvel the movie should have been like Top Gun: Maverick, but with aliens. Compare those two movies. Even some of the “asshole” pilot jocks in TG:M are cool and likable, because they’re competent and self-sacrificial. It makes up for their cocky assholery.
Anyway, I’m not going to itemize every little thing that turned me off from the first Captain Marvel. Nor am I going to explain why the latest trailer looks like a ridiculous mess. I know it’s not made for me. I am obviously not the target audience. Besides, enough “anti-woke” dorks on YouTube have already said all there is to say.
I couldn’t stop laughing when I read the headline because it reminded me so much of the meltdown I witnessed from the beach ball Scowling Prattler all those years ago. But I kept asking myself, why does this person care that I don’t like this obviously girl-power movie?
For the record, like I told beach ball about Wonder Woman, I don’t “hate” The Marvels trailer, or the idea of The Marvels, period. It’s not made for me. But don’t expect me to like it and act all pissed off I don’t want to run out the door to go see it. Doesn’t the writer of that article see how absurd that is? It would be like me scolding a five-year old for not liking The Silence of the Lambs.
If feminists want to hate on men, that’s fine. But I’m not going to participate in my own abuse by watching a movie that’s not targeted at my demo, number one, and number two, if it’s anything like the first film, will also be filled with snide and predictable feminist anti-male tropes.
Really, if there’s a guy out there who says he actually like The Marvels and can’t wait to watch it, that’s almost certainly a guy you shouldn’t trust. That’s a guy desperate for female approval. And guys like that are always losers, or turn out to be creeps.
Women, feminists too, should be thrilled men “hate” The Marvels. Assuming Captain Marvel IS a feminist avatar (or supposed to be), then her movies should be a party for feminists. Something to celebrate for the cause. And just like how you don’t invite people you don’t like to a party, you don’t care that men dislike or hate your party, ’cause they ain’t invited anyway.
I get why the dorks on YouTube are hate reviewing the trailer. Rage baiting the algo pays big money. Some of these dudes are pulling in six figs for their “anti-woke” whinnyings.
But why do feminists care so much what these men think? I don’t see any profit in that.
Could it be that feminists secretly need male validation? No, perish the thought. Or could it be that everyone knows that Captain Marvel, and its upcoming sequel, are actually kind of shit, and so this whole histrionic defensive reaction is just one big cope to paper over that reality?
Like I talked about in my article Representation is Bullshit, this why you don’t attach your self-value to fictional movie characters. You’ll never win, because only you can validate you.
It really is a mystery to me why I, as a man, apparently must like The Marvels. Certainly no one would care about whether others like their movie who isn’t an embarassing, childish person filled with self-doubt, and desperately seeking approval from others. We know feminists are strong, independent, mature, and never emotional. So clearly this need for my manly approval must be some kind of aberration. At least, that’s what I’m going with.
Dean Brooks 