(NOTE: The above does not typically happen during a speed dating event.)

Yesterday, I attended my first speed dating event in nearly 15 years. To put that in perspective, in 2011 we were only on the iPhone 4S. Bitcoin was as low as thirty cents. I hadn’t even moved out to the frozen hellscape of North Dakota. I was still living in the greatest city on earth–Philadelphia.

Fifteen years is a long time. I don’t know what prompted me to revisit the strange practice involving sitting across from strangers of the opposite sex for an hour and pretending to hear them in a loud, caucophonous setting, but I figured why not try it again.

Unlike my last two speed dating events, which took place in Philly, this one occurred in a town called Regina, which is in the Canadian Providence of Saskatchewan. I’d never visisted Canada, despite living near the border for almost 14 years, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and check out “America’s hat” while also trying my hand at speed dating again.

By the way, the town name Regina is not pronounced like how you pronounce a woman’s name. It rhymes with vagina. Just fyi.

Speed dating, in case you’re unaware, is an event often held in a restaurant/bar with a group of ten or so men and women, wherein you get to have a “date” with each person for about five minutes. For this event, the time limit was six minutes, a one-minute increase from my Philly ones. I guess it’s like those “Seven Minute Abs” videos back in the ’90s–just enough time to give you a workout with just good-enough results. Who says you can’t size someone up as a potential life partner in less time than it takes to make a Hungry-Man microwave dinner? We are in the Age of Snap Judgments, afterall.

I’ve already written on my misadventures in speed dating in an article, “Why Don’t Men Attend Singles Events?” linked here. And I went into this new foray bearing what I’d written in mind. But thankfully, this go-around was slightly better overall.

To begin, the proportion of men and women was almost the same. There were ten men and nine woman, as one apparently cancelled at the last minute. This was way better than two I did in Philly, where it was supposed to be 15 men and women, but wound up being like 12 women and 15 men. I don’t know where the idea came from that men don’t attend these sorts of events. There are always plenty of dudes for these things.

The age group for the event this time was 34-46, as opposed to 25-40 or something for the ones in Philly I did. It’s been awhile. So, what’s changed? Is speed dating worth it in 2026? Is it even worth it at all?

Well, for starters, in both of my iPhone 4S-era events, I never matched with anybody. And in this last one, I didn’t either. This is largely my fault, as I’ve always been notoriously selective. I think it was Billy Crystal who said when it comes to how the sexes choose mates, “Women need an excuse, men just need a place.” Well, what the hell does the guy who starred in City Slickers know about anything? Not a damn thing.

There is a clear bifurcation in the age group 34-46 between those who are serious and those who just there because. It’s palpable. Whereas in the 25-40 groups most of the women were just there pregaming before a night out, or fooling around with their besties. Nobody was taking it seriously then. But in the older group, everyone’s a lot more business and frank. So, in that sense, it was better, because at least you know everyone was kind of there purposefully.

Like I mentioned in my previous article, as I entered, I immediately employed my male gaze “Terminator vision” to search for potential mates, and instantly I realized there would be likely none. Look, it’s tough out there no matter where you look–dating apps, churches, the corner bar, etc.–I blame romantic comedies for psyoping everyone into thinking “love” just falls in your lap. In reality, you’ve probably got about the same odds as winning $500 on a scratch-off lottery ticket. Like, it happens often enough. You’ve heard about it happening. You probably have a family member who won as much. But you could visit every gas station in the state and buy ten tickets from each and still end up broke.

Anyway, after a cheesy ice breaker involving some stupid bingo game, our group was ready to begin. I took my seat at table number 2. We were all given little lists on a clipboard so we could write down someone’s name if we matched with them. Even though it’s only been 24 hours, I don’t even remember the first woman I sat across from. She was not a match, obviously. It’s weird. Anymore when I talk to people, I tend to really only hear key words. It’s like my brain has been Google-ized. This goes doubly so for whenever I’m talking to a woman. Soon as I hear things like “my kid(s)” or they start ranting about politics (more on that later), that’s it, I’m out. I no longer give a shit what they have to say. It’s not that I really care about someone’s politics. It’s just that I don’t like people who make poltics their whole identity, especially when they’re just like a boring office worker. And I don’t date single moms for the same reason I don’t visit Chernobyl or eat out of the dumpster.

The first woman I can remember mentioned that she hadn’t tried speed dating before, but had done “speed friending.” This was new to me, as I wasn’t aware such a thing even existed, as obvious as it sounds. But she had just moved to the Regina area, and it was a way to meet some new people. Not a bad idea, I thought.

The next woman I recall was a lawyer. She wasn’t really a match, but she was cool to talk to. She had a sleeve tattoo. I asked her if she was concerned about AI stealing her job. She wasn’t because AI gets a lot of legal stuff wrong. It’s useful for very basic stuff, but it can’t replace the human connection that clients need. Just as things were getting interesting, the bell rang, and it was time to move on.

The event organizer called for a ten-minute break afterward, which gave me some time to chat with two women at the next table over. One didn’t want kids and the other was um, “plus-sized”–so, neither were matches, needless to say. It was fun talking to them, though.

Next came another gargantuan single mom (this was to be a recurring theme at this event) who happened to be a Canadian Royal Mountie. I would have loved to learn more about that job, but unfortunately, she kind of buried the lead and only mentioned it right as the six-minute timer sounded. It’s all’s well, though. She probably wouldn’t have appreciated me asking if she looked up to Dudley Do-Right as a kid.

Because of the one woman who cancelled last second, I had a table all to myself at the next switch. But afterward, I met with a Nigerian lady who had moved to Canada years ago and was working as an accountant. Very nice woman. Sweet. Attractive. Not a match for me, sadly, as I am not into Black women. I felt deep sympathy for her, though, as I know that Nigerians are very family-focused. It’s part of the reason why Nigeria is one of the only places on earth right now having a population explosion. She was stuck in dreary Saskatchewan away from her family in Africa, in a place she probably had little real chance of meeting available Nigerian men, or Black/African men whatsoever. All while being too educated to just go back home and find a husband there. That’s a tough spot to be in. Regina seems like a liberal place, but interracial relationships are actually still quite rare, despite what the media may have you believe. I wish “Daisy” well.

The next potential partner became anything but very quickly as she asked me point blank if I was visiting Canada to “escape the Trump bullshit.” Now, like I said before, I don’t really care about a woman’s politics, but I really don’t like it when someone has no decorum and immediately starts spouting obscenities like we’re at a frat party. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. It’s best to be polite and well-mannered at first, at least. Especially from someone who was at least in her mid-30s. It’s quite rude. However, I can’t resist winding such a person up, so naturally I assumed the role of being the world’s biggest Trump supporter, telling her I had forgotten my MAGA hat in my car, and had wanted to wear it in to the event. This prompted her to go on a screed about the Epstein files, and how Trump had forced a 13-year-old girl to give him a blowjob, and how this girl had bitten his penis. To which I replied that none of that had been verified, and in fact Trump’s only mentions in the Epstein files had to do with him and the dead former socialite creepster douchebag crossing paths on occasion at parties and such, nothing to do with underage sex or trafficking or visiting the infamous island. We went around and around. She was very impressed with the penis-biter, even wishing she could have been that girl so she could have been the one to bite Trump’s penis. An odd thing to aspire to, I thought, but whatever. We parted quickly enough. She, too, was not a match, just in case you were wondering.

The next woman, and the last one I recall, was one of those strong and independent types who had traveled to like 25 countries. I figured as such when I saw the short hair and the sleeve tat. They are usually a dead giveaway that one is in the Don’t Need a Man Camp. But she seemed very self-aware and accepting of the fact that she was set in her ways and not changing, and didn’t see a place in her life for kids or a family. That’s the nice thing about this age group. They tend to be honest and upfront, at least.

Aside from the assortment of characters I met, the venue proved the worst part of the event, as the acoustics were absolutely horrendous. Like, I could hardly hear what someone was saying sitting right in front of me with everyone else talking and their voices bouncing off the hard walls. This is the third time I’ve run into this issue, as my last two speed dating events in Philly suffered from the same problems. It makes for a very frustrating experience. But for $25, what can you expect? High-definition doesn’t come that low priced.

Most of the women were pretty nice. Many were intrigued that I was from the U.S., but other than the Anti-Trumper, I didn’t get any comments, negative or positive, about my American-ness.

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Some final thoughts. Speed dating is really no better than any other type of matchmaking or social event like going to a bar, as far as I can see. It’s only advantage is that it obviously involves real human interaction in a controlled environment. But you’re actually just as good on the dating apps, believe it or not. I suppose some people have had luck with speed dating. For me, I really just look at it as a fun social exercise and a way to improve my communication skills. When I can actually hear people, that is. But due to the bad sound acoustics, I find myself just sliding into that “smile and nod” routine where you can’t tell what the hell someone is saying and you’re trying to be polite. That’s uncomfortable and kind of ruins the whole scene. I think if speed dating is to be improved, it needs to be held in a place with seperate booths, or maybe outside if the weather is nice. Someone where you can actually speak at a reasonable volume and hear the other person clearly. I would go again. But it’s not like I put any stock into it as a viable means of meeting a partner. For me, it’s just a fun diversion for an hour or so.