Tag: trump

Sorry, My Vote Will Cost One Million

On By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

(Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/one-hundred-dollar-bills-14820416/)

Last night President Donald Trump offered $5,000 to every American adult if Republicans win the midterm elections.

I think this is a fantastic idea. Elected officials should not be wasting time trying to win anyone’s vote based on silly things like policy or ideas. We all know they are going to lie and do their agenda anyway. Instead, both parties should simply bribe their voters.

Well, I prefer to call them payouts. Cash money, baby.

I like to vote as if I am in a Mr. Beast video.

There’s only one problem. Five grand is way, way, too low. In fact, it’s far below my going rate. What can five thou really buy you? A base model Honda Civic perhaps. If it were the early 1980s, that is. But we’re almost into 2027. We are in what most sci-fi movies call “the future.”

These days five big ones will hardly pay for groceries. I went to the store the other day and I saw a T-bone steak going for almost thirty dollars. Was that cow a celebrity? Am I eating the Brad Pitt of cows? Box cereal is approaching ten dollars. That’s a lot of money for a bag of shamrock-shaped sugar.

Then you’ve got things like rent, education. Everything else. Other costs that have ballooned all thanks mainly to heavy government spending. And the increasing costs of this Iran kerfuffle and funding Ukraine. I can’t imagine a Patriot missile is cheap. It’s not like they sell those at Costo.

No, no. I’m afraid I’m going to have to set the rate for my precious vote at ONE MILLION dollars.

See, one million I can work with. One million, after taxes, is still about $600,000, which is just enough to still make me feel good. You can’t really put a price on democracy, of course. But $600,000 gives me a new house, a new car, and enough left over for a white picket fence. The so-called American Dream.

One million may seem steep. But I’ve always highly valued my participation in democracy. Back in third grade, during a fierce competition for class president, I sold my vote for ten Chuck E, Cheese tokens, a Pizza Hut single slice voucher, AND a Butterfinger candy bar. Some called that outrageous. Ten-year-old me called it the price of doing business.

In truth, the government has been bribing people to vote for decades. It’s called welfare. So, this is really nothing new. It’s just more stripped down and to the point. I like that. I respect the hustle.

The way I see it, the government owes me big anyway. I never received any of that sweet Covid stimulus money, as I “made too much.” As if the Covid-19 virus would have skipped right past my nostrils just because it saw my bank account balance. Yeah, right. I also don’t collect any welfare. I’m what you call a “net-positive” citizen. I contribute more than my share. I am a giver, not a taker. So why shouldn’t I get to price my vote at a million? It’s my right. There are people called superdelegates, right? And electors. People with high status who actually do the voting for presidential nominees. Well, you can call me a SUPER voter then.

I look forward to receiving my direct deposit prior to the Election. I take my bribe money up front. In full. And I don’t do payment plans.

There’s Never Been A Nice Time In Politics

On By Dean BrooksLeave a comment

The Mighty Mean Meme Machine Strikes Again

Made with Grok

Whenever I’m feeling masochistic, I like to visit r/Presidents on Reddit. That sub has a rule that won’t allow posting or references to current or very recent U.S. presidents. You can only mention up to Obama. The reason for this is to prevent fighting over modern day politics.

However, a side effect of that rule is that many posters have built the sub into a hazy idealized nostalgia feels zone. I’ll often encounter comments referring to the “dignity” and “respectability” of past presidents compared to the divisiness and nastiness of today (meaning Trump, basically). Particularly when it comes to old presidential debates.

Except how many people remember anything of substance from old debates? We really only recall the gaffes or the attacks. I remember “binders full of women” by Romney. “Please proceed, Governor,” by Obama. “Well actually, he forgot Poland!” said by George W. Bush to Kerry when the Massachusettes Senator happened to forget one of our allies in the global War on Terror. There was George H.W. Bush checking his watch in the 1992 three-way debate with Perot and Clinton. In the 1988 Vice Presidential debate Lloyd Bentsen delivered perhaps the G.O.A.T. comeback ever with his “You’re no Jack Kennedy,” to potato-mispeller Dan Quayle. Reagan had his humorous “youth and inexperience” line against a knew-he-was-going-to-lose Mondale. Then there was the famous Nixon vs. Kennedy debate, where the youthful JFK came across as dominant and likable on a newfangled invention called the TV, while those who listened by radio thought Nixon had won. Or so the legend goes.

Aside from all that, I can’t think of too many other presidential debate moments prior to Trump’s clomping and stomping foray into the modern day political arena.

The recent Trump vs. Harris debate did produce a couple of bangers. All by Trump. Most notably, in response to reports of Haitian migrants chowing down on family pets in Springfield, Ohio, “They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats.” After the moderator informed the GOP candidate that a city official had not confirmed that, Trump followed up with, “Well, I saw it on TV.”

Hilarious. Hate him or love him, the man truly is a meme come true. The humorously visceral comment has caught on like a pop song ear worm. “They’re not sending their best,” and “Because you’d be in jail,” saw similar mileage.

Scott Adams puts it succinctly here:

Contrary to what Reddit intellectuals may think, there was never a golden age of agreeableness in American politics. Or politics in general. It’s comforting to paint the past in pleasing verdant green, when it’s mainly been a flame-red hellscape. The era of George W. Bush is even hailed as some better bygone age. How quickly people forget. I remember how viciously Bush was hated, in no small part due to his disastrous war of choice against Iraq. The man’s poor speaking skills were also routinely ridiculed. Reagan was called an “amiable dunce.” Lyndon Johnson hated Robert F. Kennedy. Andrew Jackson thought the people were a “beast” and hated the central bank with a passion. Nixon hated most and distrusted just about everyone.

Trump’s comments have gone viral on TikTok. AI photos of pets armed and wearing camo gear, ready to defend themselves against attackers have trended on X. In twenty years, cats and dogs and the threat of them being eaten will more than likely be the only thing remembered from that singular Trump/Harris debate. Is it “good” or “right” that a 90-minute discussion between two people who hold the keys to the nation’s future be ignored in favor of a silly soundbite? Maybe not. But that’s how it’s been down through history.